How I’m starting to combat letting my idolised self take over my life

I’ve talked to you about the highs of being a rainbow potato (which, if you haven’t seen my YouTube branding is basically what I’ve dubbed myself – I’m not sure why but it just fits) but I wanted to talk to you a little bit today about being afraid to start something.

All my life I’ve put off things. Usually, I’ll be honest it’s I’ll do this when I’ve lost weight… I’ll do this when my hair looks better… I’ll do this when I have nicer clothes… Essentially a lot of the time I live my life based on how I think my appearance is and this is something I’ve been fighting really hard to combat recently.

This week I posted what I thought was an unflattering photograph on Instagram. I loved my outfit and the shot but would never usually post because it did not paint what I thought was a flattering impression of my body. I decided to post it anyway. That however didn’t end the constant feelings of worry that people could see the image. All I could think about was what would people think?! The reason I posted it and fought with myself to keep it up as I wanted in a small, strange way to help people like me who feel like they can only post on social media or live life when they felt like they fit a desired standard. Life goes on day by day and actually the only way I’ve seen positive changes to myself in the past has been through grasping life (bizarrely enough, ha, ha) rather than letting it pass me by.

Now I’m not saying you have to pose incredibly unflattering images of yourself but what I’m saying is don’t be afraid to take the picture, write the blog post or film the YouTube video if that’s what you want to do.

I still am very guilty of not doing something or making myself feel like I can’t do anything because I’m not where I want to be, which consequently makes me feel like I’m trapped. To be honest I felt a little trapped in my content recently, as I felt it had become too focused on posts that were easier for me to think through – i.e. hauls or favourites posts. Don’t get me wrong these posts still take work but it’s a different kind of work then say book reviews or personal posts like this one.

After letting myself float along with this for a little I decided to take action this week and get to writing some more book reviews again because I did really enjoy those posts and losing myself in reading again. So I’m going to buy a few books and try and diverse my content a little bit again. I’ve already had some great recommendations through my Instagram but if you have any let me know in the comments below.

I guess what I’m trying to see is that I know what it’s like to spend all of your time fantasying about being a certain ideal instead of living your life but living your life might just put you on the path to being a little more like your ideal (because let’s face it you’ll never be 100% there).

April (April is the Cruellest Month)

-Blog posts once a week – 

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National Vegetarian Week: My vegetarian journey

So it’s National Vegetarian Week and Mental Health Awareness Week this week and although I would love to just spend the week doing the below; I thought I’d instead I’d take the opportunity to write some reflective content. As I happen to be a vegetarian and have been for around 7 years now.

And to be honest I think at times being a vegetarian has been a defining moment in my life. Although, it’s just second nature to me that wasn’t always the case so I wanted to talk today about my journey to becoming the overgrown carrot I am today. I knew from around my early teens that I wanted to be a vegetarian. I had weighed it up in my head and it made no sense to me killing something that could obviously feel pain – I also didn’t see the separation between pets and the animals we eat. This by the way is not to attack anyone who eats meat (I don’t believe that ‘converts’ anyone) but just how I feel on the matter.

My first few attempts were quite disastrous. I found a bit more success with being a pescatarian (eating fish but not meat), as it wasn’t meat I was particularly upset about not eating – I only really loved the taste of tuna. However, eventually when I reached about 16 something clicked into place – I learnt more how to make vegetarian options that actually tasted nice and where and what the good substitutes were. So for anyone wanting to be vegetarian at the moment but is finding it difficult; remember never to give up.

My transition was quite a long time ago so honestly I can’t remember a lot of it! All I know is that I don’t actually remember fully what meat tastes like that, the only ‘meat’ products I occasionally miss are things like haribo and jelly babies which contain gelatine. That list also did used to include milkybar yoghurts but they now have brought out a yoghurt which is VERY similar to their dessert pots (just smaller), which has revolutionised my life.

Since my transition was so long ago I wanted to talk to Martin who became a vegetarian 3 years ago about how he found it. As I remember before he became a vegetarian he had one last Nando’s and ate a whole chicken to himself + sides (it was his birthday and I have to salute his commitment). I think a lot of people thought he became vegetarian because I’m a veggie but honestly if the way I described his Nando’s feast doesn’t clue you in; I never cared if he was a vegetarian or not. I mean, I’m glad because it makes food shopping easier but it definitely was not a ‘deal breaker’ in any way shape or form. He just decided he wanted to join me.

So let’s ask Martin about his experience, which is not going to go well as he is a person of little words. I first asked him how he found the transition and whether it was hard – he said he didn’t find it hard at all. I personally think this was because I told him where all the good veggie food was even if he won’t admit it. I’d also like to point out that he kind of transitioned by eating fish in the first few months (though literally only a few times). I then asked if there was anything he missed knowing full well the answer would be fried chicken (specifically the spices) but he has quorn so he copes – he in fact said he misses having choice, he can’t just go out and get to burger, he has to go to London (specifically here here he means Temple of Seitan).

When he said that I had to laugh though as he doesn’t know my struggle. Vegetarian (and vegan!!!) options have got so much better in the last few years. From supermarket options to eating out options. I now can go to any place and expect them for the most part to have a vegetarian option – that vegan counterpart is lagging still a bit behind but it’s getting there. I think it’s more accessible (and easier to find recipes for) good vegan food as well, which I try to supplement into my diet whenever possible. I love a good cashew Mac and Cheese (don’t tell anyone but the regular version can be a bit too rich for me), as it’s healthier so I can have more sauce but tastes delicious too.

Cashew Mac and Cheese.jpg

The recipe for this Mac and Cheese is from Cheap Lazy Vegan who I’d definitely recommend you check out, as her handle definitely describes her channel. All of her recipes that I’ve tried have also been delicious.

I’d also recommend the vegan recipes on Tasty specifically the amazing Tofu breakfast sandwich in the below video, which is amazing!

I also have tried a few recipes from Lucy Watson’s Feed Me Vegan cookbook and I’d definitely recommend her cauliflower ‘wings’ recipe. Not as a chicken wing substitute but something that is tasty all on its own.

I try vegetarian and vegan restaurants or options whenever I can and will either post them on my Instagram feed or story so if you want the low down of some of my favourite places to eat be sure to check me out there.

1st picture: My valentine 2nd picture: My actual valentine Which would you pick? 😝

A post shared by April Wilson (@aprilisthecruellestmonth) on

It's here #myprayershavebeenanswered

A post shared by April Wilson (@aprilisthecruellestmonth) on

It’s easier than ever to find quick, cheap vegetarian or vegan recipes so I think we are now in the setting where it so much easier for people to become vegetarian or vegan, which explains why so many more people are.

I do think at the same time it’s important not to judge. I have not fully committed to being vegan but I try to incorporate vegan recipes into my diet as much as possible. I’ve seen people make similar statements and been attacked on social media, which I never think is the way. If someone is trying I don’t know why you would attack, or if the diet didn’t work for someone on a personal reason it’s not your place to say but ‘you’re wrong’ or ‘you weren’t committed enough’. There’s nothing wrong with offering helpful tips but I don’t think yelling at someone changes their mind – offering them support might do though.

That’s what I think I’ve learnt being a vegetarian in the last few years as vegetarianism and veganism have been talked about more and more. No one will ever be perfect, so just be honest, try to do your research where possible (i.e. if items are cruelty free). You don’t have to be 100% perfect and polished, you can change things gradually. I’m forever learning new things and exploring different options.

If you want to be vegetarian that’s great – if you want a comprehensive guide to the best options you know how to message!

April (April is the Cruellest Month)

– Blog posts Thursday and Sundays- 

Year in review: The highlights and fails of my 2017

I chose this picture of green tea because I’m ‘spilling all my tea’ about the year (yeah, the expression doesn’t sound as good when I say it) and the only tea I like is green tea. 

Is this post a bit too late? Yes, but I’m going to do it anyway. Plus, I wanted to reflect a little on my 2017 (and decided a whole 13 days was enough time for that) and not write something in a rush. My 2017 was overall a good year, but then I kind of count 2016 as the worst year of my life for me both mentally and consequently physically so in one way it just kind of couldn’t get any worse! However, I did manage to do some pretty cool stuff in 2017 and the year was what I would class an as ok year, though I’m hoping 2018 will be a great one.

Highlights 

Completing my Masters 

I’ve done a few blog posts on this but I made it through another year of higher education (woo!) and got my Masters in Journalism and Media Communications. It feels strangely distant now but I met some really great people on the course and it made me feel a bit more confident in my academic abilities again, which is always a plus.

Graduation with mother

I got my first (professional) job 

First of all, I want to make it clear I don’t think retail is not a professional job or any minimum wage job for that matter- what I mean here is I got my first job that was actually related to what I studied at University. Also, having paid holiday and not panicking about money if I am ill is such an amazing feeling.

My first day
The picture Martin took to commemorate my first day.

Mental health 

In 2017 I really tried to work through a lot of my mental health issues, and like to think I went from decidedly off track to kind of strolling along the tracks. It’s never something that will come easy to me, but sharing on this blog helped a lot, as did trying to better look after myself physically.

Dodie 3

I started this blog 

For a long period of my life I have wanted a blog. What can I say I love to write and rant about the world and a blog seemed a brilliant place to do that. Although, of course it is nice if people read your blog, like your posts or comment (which, let’s face it I’ll be honest a part of me craved); I personally just like writing and getting things off my chest. So here’s to 2017 for being the year I didn’t just post one blog post to a blog, not promote it and then delete it a week later because I felt too exposed to the world.

Year in Review post

Martin and I got our first flat 

Since Martin and I have been living together in some capacity for so long I forget sometimes that is our first ever flat together where it’s just the two of us. And the flat is cold (single glazing is not our friend), expensive (though not for the area- we got a good deal!) and still bare because we haven’t got a lot of furniture but it’s ours, it’s not tiny and is a lot better than a lot of other people’s first flats. Sure, ‘adulting’ and paying the bills sucks, but at least I have someone else to whine about it with.

Martin flat

“Books are a uniquely portable magic.”
Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

2017 was also the year I got my love for reading back and I’m so happy about this. I forgot what it felt like to be so inspired. I forgot what it felt like to delay finishing a book because you loved it so much. Or to be able to stop yourself reading it all in one sitting. I forgot how much I truly was a bookworm. Basically, I love reading, it’s in every part of me from the fact that I prefer to read something rather than have someone tell me instructions (hence why audio books unfortunately aren’t for me) to the fact that I can spend longer in a book shop than most other shops.

The Power
My favourite image I took of a book last year (and one of my favourite books I read).

Fails 

Money 

Living anywhere remotely close to London/ in the South is expensive. Consequently, despite earning a good wage we are perpetually broke. This is looking up this year however as Martin has started a better paying job, and I will be shortly booking my trip to Japan (and trying not to spend all my money on clothes in order to afford it). Also, a lot of the problem last year was that Martin and I were fed up so we spent money to fill that hole and so consequently never had any money either. We’ve finally managed to claw our way out of that cycle and once again learn the value of tins of kidney beans and sweetcorn, as well as meal prep- so much meal prep!

Mental health 

So although I put this in my highlights this was also a ‘fail’ as well. Working through things it turns out is kind of hard and I am still running away from a lot of things. As we speak I am letting those familiar nagging thoughts worm their way back in again. While 2017 was the most I’ve actually analysed my mental health (which was a positive thing overall); the journey that came with that was not exactly pleasant.

Hair/ how I felt/ feel about my appearance 

For a large part of last year I let myself get very upset over my appearance whether it be that my hair was not the colour I wanted (it still isn’t) to the fact that I no longer felt comfortable with myself generally. My body in 2016 changed a lot in a short period of time and I still have not quite got over that. This year I am determined to just dress how I want no matter what and let myself be healthy. Also, to have really great hair (any suggestions are appreciated).

I also want to give a big shout out to all my amazing friends and family. I hope your 2017 was great, and if it wasn’t I hope this year will be better. Thank you for putting up with my rants, bossiness and general weirdo nature for another full year.

April

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